


our venn diagrams are one circle

by eversall



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Humour, M/M, also side aline/helen, brooklyn 99 au, side duncan/raj specifically to stick it to jess, side maia/bat, the amount of references and tropes and pairings i managed to fit into this is wild, the authors best attempt at
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 16:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12774987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eversall/pseuds/eversall
Summary: “Yes!” Simon slams his hand down on the table, his eyes lighting up. “My time to shine is here!” Luke looks steadily at him, and Simon shrugs and sinks back into his chair, faux-casual. “Or not, whatever, I don’t care, it’s not like this is literally the biggest case of my life, it’s all cool.”“We brought a serial killer to justice last year.” Izzy says. “This year we busted a drug ring.”“And those are all really cool things, I’m sure.” Simon says, scoffing. “But this is myhome base, Izzy.”“Simon,” Luke says, smiling fondly, “do you want to lead this case?”“Yes!” Simon jumps out of his chair. “Nothing I have ever done as a cop will ever live up to this!”.Or, they’re all part of Brooklyn’s 99th precinct, and Jace and Simon are two detectives that can’t quite ask each other out, despite being two (mostly) self-sufficient adults - featuring an ensemble cast full of ludicrous subplots! (Why is Luke missing his beef jerky, and what does that have to do with his dating life?)





	our venn diagrams are one circle

**Author's Note:**

> what up i'm (kind of) back from the dead. college is kicking my ass, but what else is new.
> 
> dedicated to three people: 
> 
> 1) the anon who prompted this, one of like ten i've gotten over the last few months asking for a b99 au, except this one said it was their birthday and that motivated me to finish this, so happy birthday anon!! hopefully i'm not too late.  
> 2) [ anne ](http://sunlewis.tumblr.com/), for planning this au with me ages ago - she's amazing and always has the best ideas, i swear. it's thanks to her i started this a few months ago.  
> 3) [ jess ](http://softjimon.tumblr.com/) because i still haven't finished her birthday fic :( please accept this while i work on that. 
> 
> title taken from portugal by walk the moon. warning for highly inaccurate portrayal of how the police work, and the author’s sacrifice of structural integrity for the sake of trying to make jokes in her writing!!

99TH PRECINCT, 8:01 AM, MONDAY

“Don’t talk to me.” Izzy glides into the bullpen, sunglasses still on and lipstick impeccable. “I look disgusting, I know. I’m hungover.”

“You literally look like you walked out of Vogue.” Maia calls, cramming a pretzel into her mouth and rolling her eyes. “I hate you so much.”

“Shut up, you’re the reason I’m like this, you took me out to the bar last night!” Izzy hisses, throwing her purse down and pointing her finger at Maia. “I’m watching you, Roberts.”

“Keep watching, Lightwood One.” Maia salutes her lazily.

“How come she gets to be Lightwood One? You knew me first!” Jace calls out, scowling from his desk where he’s doodling a new caricature of Simon. Maia grins at him.

“You’re ranked on attractiveness.” She winks. “You’re Lightwood Four.”

“ _Four?_ Who the _hell_ is three, then?”

“It’s 8:05, where are Clary and Simon?” Alec interrupts, checking his watch and frowning at the elevator doors. “They’re not usually late.”

“Maybe today’s the day Simon truck was finally classified a public nuisance and they have to _walk_ here.” Jace mutters, but he swivels his chair around and frowns hard at the elevator, like he can get Simon to appear through sheer force of will. “Ugh, what’s the holdup? Luke won’t assign cases until our partners get here and Simon is holding Clary up!”

Izzy groans, taking her sunglasses off and yawning as she sorts through files on her desk. “Yeah, _that’s_ why you want to know where they are.”

Jace turns to her with an overdone outraged expression on his face, like he’s practiced it one too many times in the mirror at home. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Alec mocks under his breath, his eyebrow raised as he reads over a report from an officer about a burglary from Saturday. “I’m Jace, I spent all of Sunday morning making up inventive insults so my pathetic crush will notice me and laugh.” His voice is quiet enough that only Maia hears, and she bursts into laughter and accidentally starts choking on a pretzel. “Oh no, Maia?”

He gets up to help her, but the elevator dings; they all turn to see the door open and a furious Clary stomp through, her eyes taking on a manic glint. Simon comes in at a more sedate pace, rolling his eyes and shoving his phone in his back pocket.

“Are you choking?” He asks Maia in concern. “Are _you_ hungover?” He directs the question at Izzy, and makes a pained face at her, not waiting for her to answer before he sets his own coffee down in front of her and pats her on the shoulder, moving to take a bottle of water out of his messenger bag and hand it to Maia, who wheezes out a _thanks_ as she gulps it down.

“You’re _late_.” Jace says accusingly, standing - for some strange reason - to attention, like a soldier. He catches himself and scowls, sitting down again.

“By six minutes.” Simon says, raising an eyebrow  as he throws his bag down at his desk, across from Jace’s, and flops down into his own chair. “And I didn’t know you knew how to tell the _time_ , Jace. Anyway, Clary,” he slides a pointed look at Clary, who’s angrily sat at her own desk, feet up on her desk, “ _why_ were we late this morning?”

She mutters something. Alec frowns at her.

“What was that?” he asks.

“I _said_ ,” she says, louder, a flush rising to her cheeks, “because I accidentally threw a knife in our apartment and hit my phone off the counter, so this morning we had to go and buy me a new phone!”

There’s a brief moment of silence, and then Izzy leans forward, her mouth hanging open. “You _accidentally_ threw it?” She asks.

“Oh, it wasn’t an accident.” Simon says casually. “She’s been throwing knives in places where you shouldn’t throw knives since we moved in together after college. Her hitting the phone is new though. You could say,” he pauses, and looks around for dramatic effect, “it’s _cutting-edge technology_.”

Everyone collectively yells _“Simon!”_

.

99TH PRECINCT, 8:45 AM, MONDAY

“There’s been a burglary,” Luke says, clicking to a picture of a storefront, “of an official Marvel comic book store.”

“Yes!” Simon slams his hand down on the table, his eyes lighting up. “My time to shine is here!” Luke looks steadily at him, and Simon shrugs and sinks back into his chair, faux-casual. “Or not, whatever, I don’t care, it’s not like this is literally the biggest case of my life, it’s all cool.”

“We brought a serial killer to justice last year.” Izzy says. “This year we busted a drug ring.”

“And those are all _really_ cool things, I’m sure.” Simon says, scoffing. “But this is my _home base_ , Izzy.”

“Simon,” Luke says, smiling fondly, “do you want to lead this case?”

“ _Yes_!” Simon jumps out of his chair. “Nothing I have ever done as a cop will ever live up to this!”

“Alright, I guess.” Izzy says doubtfully. “Simon and I will take it.”

Luke shakes his head, picking up another folder off his podium. “No, Izzy, one of your informants tipped us off to a possible sighting of that drug dealer you’ve been tracking. You’ll want to look at it.”

“ _Los Huevos_ .” Izzy says darkly, crushing her styrofoam cup of coffee.  
“The eggs…?” Jace says quietly, looking puzzled. Clary whispers “Don’t ask” out of the corner of her mouth.

“Jace,” Luke continues, “you can work with Simon. Clary, you can go with Izzy.”

“Yes!” Clary blows a kiss at Izzy, and Izzy laughs. Jace looks at Simon, who looks back at him, delight still lingering on his face from being assigned the case.

“ _I’m_ not blowing you a kiss.” Jace declares.

 .

99TH PRECINCT, 8:50 AM, MONDAY

 **“** Where is my beef jerky?” Luke wonders aloud when he opens his top right drawer and doesn’t find it in there. “Who could have possibly taken my beef jerky?”

He leans back in his chair and presses his fingers together, considering the rest of his detectives through the slats of his blinds. “It was _teriyaki_.” He mutters.

 .

PANDEMONIUM, 9:30 AM, MONDAY

“Magnus?” Alec calls out into the empty club. There’s the sound of a door shutting, and then Magnus’ head pokes out of the small hallway on the cordoned off second floor.

“Alexander?” Magnus says in surprise. A smile lights up his face, one that Alec returns slowly, unable to help himself. “I’ll be right down.”

Alec rocks back and forth on his heels as he waits, his hands in his pockets as he considers the place. It’s really quite impeccably decorated.

“Everything alright?” Magnus asks, appearing suddenly in front of him. Alec startles, and then exhales. Everytime he looks at Magnus again, he’s struck all over again how effortlessly handsome the other man is, all sleek lines and sinuous grace. His throat goes dry as he considers Magnus.

“Yeah,” Alec says, shrugging, “everything’s fine, I just - “ He takes a deep breath and steels himself to drag out the courage he knows he has. Somewhere. “I had a really good time last night.”

“I - I did too.” Magnus looks pleased, and he bites his lower lip. Alec helplessly tracks the movement with his eyes. “It was a wonderful date, Alexander.” He pauses, and then says, “Though I have to ask, what are you doing here?”

Alec opens his mouth, and then closes it, and then brings a hand up to rub self-consciously at the back of his neck. “It’s just,” he says, “just - I forgot something.”

“Forgot - “ Magnus begins, but Alec curls his fingers in Magnus’ jacket and pulls him forward gently, their lips finding each other almost naturally. The kiss is soft, and sweet, Magnus curling his fingers around Alec’s waist and sending sparks racing up his skin.

There’s the sound of someone pounding on the door outside. “I know you’re kissing your new boyfriend or whatever, but we’re on the clock and we really need to get to the records building soon!” Maia calls through the door. Alec pulls away reluctantly from Magnus, who looks up at him with a grin on his lips. His _just-kissed_ lips, Alec’s brain helpfully supplies.

“Alexander,” Magnus says, delighted, “did you, in fact, go in the _opposite_ direction of the records building just to see me?”

“Yes.” Alec’s face burns. “Maybe. No?”

“That is very sweet.” Magnus beams at him. “Wildly impractical, but very, very sweet. Also, the pick up line was cute, but you really _did_ forgot your jacket at my place last night.”

.

MARVEL COMICS, 9:40 AM, MONDAY

“Everything looked undisturbed.” The shop owner is saying dubiously. “But then I went to the showcase we have at the front, and it was just completely cleaned out, glass shattered and everything.”

“No signs of a break-in?” Jace asks, squatting down and staring at the empty glass case. “Do you have any pictures of what was in here before?”

“No.” The owner says, wringing his hands. “Oh God, should I have had them? Is my insurance going to kill me? Oh _God_ \- “

“I found a picture!” Simon comes over, waving his phone. “I tracked your store through Instagram and someone took a selfie here just yesterday. The glass case is in the background.” The owner makes a relieved noise and snatches Simon’s phone, peering closely at it. Simon chuckles quietly and wanders over to lean on the case by Jace.

“Nice catch.” Jace says as nonchalantly as he can, staring determinedly at the empty case. Simon shifts next to him.

“Thanks.” He says softly. “Hey, Jace - “

“The Hulk figurine!” The owner shouts, and Jace startles backwards, catching himself in time and straightening up, staring warily at the owner. He shoves Simon’s phone back in Simon’s face, waving it around. “It was in the case, but it’s missing from this picture!” Simon takes his phone and looks at it.

“Hm.” He says. “So the Hulk was smashed first?” He holds a straight face for about a second before he bursts into laughter, throwing his head back and gleefully saying “Hulk _smash_!”

“Simon!” Jace hisses, looking at the owner’s shellshocked face. “We’re in the middle of a _case_.”

“Right, right, of course.” Simon clears his throat. “I mean,” he smooths down the front of his shirt, “can you think of any reason the Hulk might have been the first target?”

“I don’t know?” The owner says mournfully. “We’ve had mint condition Hawkeye comics before, but in the figurine business - “

Jace tunes out the incoming rant - he’s been on the receiving end of Simon’s rants enough times to realize that he really only feels like listening when it’s _Simon_ doing it - and sweeps his eyes across the shop again, taking in the racks of comics and posters. There are three windows placed up high that they already checked, but he can’t shake the feeling that the windows are their key to solving the burglary. The front door and back service door all don't seem tampered with, and every employee with a key has an alibi.

“Hey Simon,” he calls out, still staring at the windows, “if I was a burglar hurrying out with a pretty expensive Hulk figurine, would I scrape it against the side of the wall while climbing to the window?”

“Not unless you were trying _really_ hard to be the worst burglar in the world. Which, I wouldn’t put past you, Jace.” Simons says, walking over to Jace, who rolls his eyes and makes a face back at Simon.

“Then why does that spot of green on the wall make me think the Hulk’s missing a layer of his paint?” Jace asks, nodding at a violent green stripe of paint. Simon raises an eyebrow.

“Huh. Something more to that figurine after all.” He nods. “I need to reevaluate my list of top ten - “

“Suspects?”

Simon gives him a weird look. “Superheroes, obviously. This is clearly a sign Hulk should be in top five instead of top seven.”

There’s a pause, and then Jace _very reluctantly_ says “He’s already in _my_ top five.”

 .

99TH PRECINCT, 1:30 PM, MONDAY

“Did _you_ take my jerky?” Luke asks, cornering Izzy in the kitchen. She looks at him and slowly raises her cup of coffee to her lips, expression unreadable.

“The _only_ food related talk I’ll tolerate near me for the next two days is Los Huevos.” She says. Luke opens his mouth, and then shuts it, like he’s not quite sure what to say.

“I think it’s time we stopped the coffee!” Clary says brightly, firmly pulling the cup out of Izzy’s hand and replacing it with another mug. “How about some soothing chamomile.”

 .

LIGHTWOOD BROWNSTONE, 8:00 PM, MONDAY

“Why are you here?” Alec asks Simon, peering over the top of his book to see that Simon’s made himself popcorn. “Isn’t it enough that I work with my siblings and live with them too? _Must_ the rest of the squad also follow me home?”

“You know it’s all for you, darling.” Simon says, making kissing noises at Alec. “How was your _date_? A little birdy told me you misused police cars to visit your boo today.”

“Are we in high school?” Alec asks, flushing. “My _boo_ , good lord. Yes, I did visit _Magnus_ to get my jacket back. Give me some popcorn. Why are you here?”

“Went over some stuff about Los Huevos with Izzy. You know how she gets about that one. I worked on it with her a few months ago when we thought we had a lead and I wasn’t allowed to eat eggs for two weeks when we lost our lead.”

“That’s rough.”

“Tell me about it. Breakfast just isn’t the same.” Simon sighs deeply, and then sinks back into the armchair. Alec just keeps looking at him expectantly, and Simon finally cracks. “Okay!” He says. “I got assigned to a case with _You-Know-Who_.”

“My brother isn’t Voldemort.” Alec puts his book aside and straightens up, pursing his lips. “I knew it. As soon as I saw Captain Garroway assign it to you two I _knew_ you’d freak out about it.”

“It’s my two favorite things!” Simon moans. “Comic books and the guy I have a huge crush on! What am I supposed to do?”

Alec shakes his head, smiling slightly at Simon. “This is a _good_ thing, you can finally tell him. You’re a grown adult - “

“Who deals badly with emotion.” Simon says in a rush. “I can’t just _go up_ to the man of my dreams and tell him he’s all I can think about! My heart will give out.”

“You like someone?”

Simon freezes, then slowly turns around at the sound of Jace’s voice, and even Alec does a double take when he sees Jace standing in the doorway, looking shell-shocked. Jace is wearing a soft grey sweater, toying idly with the hem while he stares at Simon with an indecipherable look in his eyes.

“You love someone.” Jace says again, and this time it isn’t a question. Simon laughs, strained.

“Who, me…” He trails off, frowning and shaking his head, looking down at the ground before he looks back up at Jace. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Do I know them?” Jace asks, and Simon makes a face. There’s a long moment of silence.

“No.” Simon finally decides. “You don’t.”

Alec sighs.

.

99TH PRECINCT, 8:30 AM, TUESDAY

“You’re late.” Maia says when Jace walks in. Jace shoots her a look.

“Thanks, I don’t know how to read time and I hadn’t noticed.” He says sardonically. He throws his bag onto his desk and slumps into his chair, kicking idly at his file cabinet. Simon looks up from his computer and frowns.

“You look like you didn’t get any sleep.” He says slowly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Jace snaps. “Any leads on the Hulk figurine?” Simon looks taken aback, but he bites his lip and looks down at his file.

“Uh, yeah.” He says quietly, more subdued this time. “I got the name and address of the employee who did the last inventory of the store and recorded the figurine, I thought we could go talk to her. See if she knows why it would have been targeted first, or treated so carelessly.”

“Fine.” Jace says crossly. “Let me know when you want to leave.”

“Uh.” Simon flounders. “Okay. Sure thing. Will do.”

Jace knows it’s not fair to Simon that he’s suddenly shutting down like this, but he can’t help it; he’s never been particularly good at confronting his emotions, and overhearing Simon tell Alec he liked someone is forcing him to review in painful clarity how much _he_ likes Simon. He’s sort of regretting never even _trying_ to make a move now, but at the same time - it’s him and _Simon_. They literally have a running bet of who can get more perps behind bars. He’s not boyfriend material, and Simon deserves better than that.

“Is it just me or is it quieter in here?” Izzy asks as she sits down. Clary doesn’t even look up from her paperwork..

“Simon and Jace are having a fight.” She announces.

“We’re not.” Jace says, rolling his eyes.

“We’re not?” Simon asks, looking vaguely surprised.

.

99TH PRECINCT, 11:20 AM, TUESDAY

“Did _you_ take my jerky?” Luke asks, poking his head out of his office and staring at Maia. Maia looks up from her tweet and raises an eyebrow at him.

“Do you _think_ I took your jerky?” she asks slowly. Luke considers her for a long second.

“No.” he finally decides. “You’re not really a teriyaki girl.”

.

STARBUCKS, 3:15 PM, TUESDAY

“I’m just saying,” Clary tries again, wrapping her hands around her mocha, “that I think our perp could have been talking about any Starbucks in the area.”

“Yes.” Izzy agrees. “Which is why,” she slams a list down onto the table, “after this we’re going to five more to find Los Huevos.”

Clary groans.

“Drink up.” Izzy says cheerfully.

.

HUNTER’S MOON, 10:45 PM, TUESDAY

“I like that I used to work here.” Maia says when they get extra pretzels. “I love extra perks.”

“It’s mini pretzels.” Jace replies dubiously, throwing one up in the air and catching it with his mouth. “You can get a huge box of them from Costco for like five bucks.”

“A bucket of pretzels.” Maia agrees. “It’s the dream.”

Jace snorts. “That’s not a dream, that’s an easily achievable _reality._ ” He points out. “Are you sure you know what Costco is?”

“Bat won’t let me get it.” Maia huffs. “Just because I accidentally spilled the last bucket we got over the sofa - “  
“Is that why every time I go to your place and sit down, it’s _crunchy_?” Jace asks, incredulous. “I thought I was like, breaking the springs in the sofa or something.”

“And you didn’t say anything about potentially breaking my sofa?” Maia asks, throwing a pretzel at him. “Some friend you are.”

“I’m the best friend anyone could possibly be awarded with.”

“Okay, Lightwood Four.” Maia agrees. Jace scowls, and takes a swig of his beer. “Wanna tell me what’s bothering you, now that we’ve talked about pretzels for as long as humanly possible?”

“Simon.” Jace purses his lips, and Maia passes a hand over her eyes, shaking her head. “He’s just everything I could possibly want, ever.” He continues mournfully, staring at his pint. “And now I’m never gonna get what I want.”

“God, you’re miserable.” Maia says, chewing loudly on a pretzel. “Have you ever considered, I don’t know, _actually_ asking him out?”

“That would be a nightmare.” Jace.

“Why?”

“Because,” Jace says with as much dignity as he can muster, “then he would _know_ I like him.”

“Who?” A voice calls, and then Simon’s sliding onto the bar stool next to Jace. “Who do you like?”

He looks stricken, like he’s just discovered something tragic, and Jace immediately says “ _Nobody_.” and takes as large a gulp of beer as he can.

“Hey Simon!” Maia says, overly cheerful. Jace narrows his eyes at her. “ _So_ glad you got my invitation and could make it. Unfortunately,” she makes a point of checking her watch, “it’s late and I have a _thing_ to do - “

“Bat, probably.” Jace mutters under his breath, and Simon laughs.

“ - so I’m gonna be going.” Maia grabs a handful of pretzels and leaves a twenty on the counter. “But you boys enjoy!”

With that, she’s gone, and Simon stares after her for a while before he shrugs and flags the bartender down, ordering a drink before he turns to Jace.

“So, Maia invited me here but she just bailed?” Simon asks, grinning. “She’s a strange one.”  
“She’s the _worst_.” Jace says vehemently. They sit there in companionable silence for a while, Jace intensely aware of the heat radiating off of Simon’s body, before Simon speaks again.

“You like someone?” he asks, and his voice is slightly off, but Jace doesn’t look at him; he sighs and hunches in on himself.

“Yeah.” he mumbles. “It’s kind of - I don’t know.”

“Oh.” Simon clears his throat. “Well, anyone would be lucky to have you.” Jace’s heart sinks, but at the same time it leaps at the praise, which leaves him feeling - weirdly - equal parts distressed and ecstatic. He manages to smile weakly at Simon.

“What about you?” He asks, nudging Simon’s shoulder. “What’s up with you and your mystery person.”

“Oh, that.” Simon makes a face, taking a sip of the drink the bartender delivers to him. “Well that’s never gonna happen.”

“You shouldn’t be so negative.” Jace reasons. “You’re a catch too, Simon.”

Simon looks up at him in surprise, a faint flush crawling across his cheeks. Jace is transfixed by how _good_ he looks.

“Thanks.” Simon says softly, and Jace laughs quietly, raising his glass to Simon.  
“To us,” he says, “and our miserable crushes.”

.

LIGHTWOOD BROWNSTONE, 2:15 AM, WEDNESDAY

“What on Earth?” Magnus asks, entering the kitchen to see Jace and Simon clustered around the oven. “It’s two in the morning.”

“I should ask the same thing of you.” Simon says haughtily, the effect ruined by the apron he’s got slung haphazardly around his neck like some sort of comical scarf. Magnus really wants to tell him that’s not the purpose of an apron, but he’s way too amused by it to get Simon to _stop_ wearing it like that. “What are _you_ doing here, Magnus?”

“Do I need to explain the birds and bees to you? I’m doing Alec, obviously.” Magnus asks, moving to get a glass out of the cupboards and smirking at him. Even though all he and Alec did was fall asleep together while they were talking about their childhoods. Alec’s way too special to rush it and mess it up. Jace steps aside to let Magnus pass, groaning.

“Please don’t.” he says, looking pained. “That’s my _brother_.”

“Disgusting,” Simon says, pointing his spatula at Magnus, “but adorable. You two are good for each other.”

“Yeah, you are.” Jace drapes himself over Simon, digging his chin into Simon’s shoulder. “Si, the bread’s going to burn.”

“Oh shit!” Simon turns and flips the sandwich. “Magnus, you want a grilled cheese?”

“It’s two in the morning.” Magnus says, filling his glass with water and watching amusedly as Jace and Simon move easily around each other in the kitchen. It’s beyond him how the two men can’t see that they’re made for each other.

“So?” Jace asks. “Never a bad time for a grilled cheese. Simon makes the best ones.” Simon beams at him, and Jace beams back. Magnus sighs.

“I _guess_.” He says, and he leans against the countertop. “Wow me with your grilled cheese skills, boys.”

.

99TH PRECINCT, 8:10 AM, WEDNESDAY

“Nobody talk to me.” Alec snaps irritably as he slides into his chair. “I had grilled cheese sandwiches at three in the morning because I’m a sucker for my boyfriend and now I regret not sleeping.”

“That’s way too much information.” Maia says. “Is this a new sex thing or something?”

“ _I meant real grilled cheese sandwiches_!” Alec bellows as Luke steps past them to get to his office. Luke pauses, and then makes an about turn and stares down Alec.

“Did _you_ take my jerky?” Luke wonders, and Alec splutters helplessly.

“Of course not!”  He sighs, massaging his temples. “I don’t really like jerky.”

“Well, that’s a shame.” Luke says, patting Alec’s shoulder sympathetically before going to his office. Maia snickers at Alec, who sighs.

“Every day in this office is a challenge.” Alec says seriously. Maia opens her mouth, about to respond, when Clary walks into the bullpen, blasting a Rihanna song from an ancient boombox she’s managed to unearth from somewhere.

“Attention!” she shouts at the still half-asleep officers in the station.

“You have everyone’s attention, good God, what do you _want_?” Maia bellows, covering her ears.

“ _This_ .” Clary sweeps her hand out, and Izzy walks into the precinct, dark shadows under her eyes and a triumphant look on her face as she leads a handcuffed man into the center of the room. “I present to you, _Los Huevos_. Caught by none other than our own Detective Lightwood!”

“Which one?” a smartass calls out from near the kitchen. At the furious glare Izzy turns on him, he holds his hands up. “I mean, I know which one it was, I’m just kidding, never mind, please don’t kill me my boyfriend would miss me!”

“No I wouldn’t.” Duncan says without missing a beat. Izzy rolls her eyes.

“Ignoring Raj,” she says, “I would like to present the drug dealer who’s been on my list for more than a year. Busted, finally, at a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf.”

“Really, man? Caught by corporate caffeine culture?” Simon asks, coming through the pen and skirting around Izzy and her perp. “That’s low.”

“Come off it, Si.” Jace says, following him and sitting down at his own desk. “You have a chronic addiction to Starbucks, you’re really one to be talking.”

“True.” Simon says, pointing at Jace. “Very true.”

“I want my lawyer.” Los Huevos says. He looks mildly frightened. “I don’t like any of you, you all seem poorly-adjusted to real life.”

“Tell me about it. But please remember anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law, and you don’t want to add contempt of the law to your rap sheet.” Izzy says politely, leading him away to be processed.

“Congratulations, squad.” Luke says, leaning against the door frame. “Simon, Jace, how’s your case going?”

“We’ve interviewed all the relevant employees and determined that the Hulk figurine wasn’t worth much, but was built with a secret compartment in it.” Jace says, shuffling the papers on his desk until he finds his notes. “Don’t ask me why that would possibly need to be a thing.”

“Because secret compartments are _cool_ .” Simon emphasizes. “We’re going over security footage to see who had the opportunity to stash something in the figurine, or take whatever was stashed _out_ , and why.”

“Good.” Luke says, and then he pauses, hands on his hips, before he slowly says, “And you wouldn’t happen to know what happened to my jerky, would you?”

“Really?” Simon asks. “ _Really_ , Luke?”

“It was Alaric.” Jace says, without even looking up from his computer. “He’s trying to get you to ask him out again, because he wants to say yes this time, so he’s resorted to doing weird things like taking your stuff.”

“Really?” Luke says, looking shocked, and then he frowns. “How do _you_ know this?” Jace looks up.

“I talk to other people.” He says indignantly, sweeping a hand around the room. “This squad is not the _only_ set of friends I have.”

“He goes to book club with one of the detectives under Alaric’s command.” Maia chimes in. Jace scowls, flushing bright red.

“Is _nothing_ sacred?” He hisses at Maia.

“I think it’s cute.” Simon says softly, smiling over his computer at Jace. Jace flushes even brighter red.

.

PANDEMONIUM, 10:05 AM, WEDNESDAY

Raphael’s going over Magnus’ business reports in the empty club when Meliorn slides into the chair next to him, setting down a steaming cup of coffee and a donut. Raphael stares at him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” He asks.

“Yes, darling - “

“Don’t call me that.”

“ - but I came by to say hi.” Meliorn finishes, the corners of his lips curving upward. Raphael frowns.

“Someone’s going to get robbed, and it’s going to be my fault because my boyfriend is here instead of at the 98th precinct, where he should be.” He says, but he relents and takes a bite of the donut. Meliorn hums and presses a kiss to Raphael’s cheek.

“Captain’s all over the place because Luke called him, confronted him about stealing his stuff, and then asked him out on a date.” Meliorn explains. “I’m escaping the line of fire, he turns into a real werewolf when it comes to Luke.”

“ _Werewolf_.” Raphael says, exasperated. “Werewolves aren’t real, Meliorn.”

“Whatever you say, Raphael.” Meliorn smiles, leaning back against the bar lazily and trailing his eyes over Raphael’s body. Raphael laughs despite himself.

“Stop that.”

“I finally have a lover I can appreciate all the time without having to immediately follow it up with sex.” Meliorn says. “I’m going to look as much as I want to.”

“Suit yourself.” Raphael brings Meliorn’s hand up and brushes a kiss over his knuckles, and Meliorn smiles softly at him. “How did you even know about the Alaric and Luke thing anyway? I only know because Magnus told me.”

“My book club buddy told me.” Meliorn says.

.

MARVEL COMICS, 1:00 PM, WEDNESDAY

“Have you figured it out?” The owner says eagerly when they reappear in his shop. He bounces on the balls of his feet wildly. “Did you catch the guy?” Simon nods.

“Yes,” he says, “and no.”

“We got the burglar who smashed the case and took everything.” Jace interjects. “He’s robbed a few other stores in the area, it was easy enough to track him down once we matched the pattern of when he robbed stores to when _your_ store was robbed.”

“What’s the _no_ part then?” The owner asks anxiously.

“It’s just _how_ you were robbed.” Simon says. “It’s not a big deal, honestly. That Hulk figurine isn’t worth much, right?”

“No.” The owner says. “It’s more than a normal toy, obviously, but not that much more.”

“Right.” Jace says. “Can we talk to the employee who last took inventory before and catalogued the Hulk, please? Aline, I believe it was?”

“Sure.” the owner says cheerfully. “I’m getting my insurance claim for robbery, I don’t care about anything else. Do what you want! And five free comics on the house for you!”

“O-kay.” Jace says slowly as the owner wanders away. From beside him, Simon does a silent victory dance, shimmying his hands ridiculously. “Stop that, Simon, we’re _cops_.”

“Can I have your five comics?”

“Obviously.” Jace says. “You don’t even need to ask.” Simon shoots him a small, warm smile, and Jace falls a little more in love with him, staring for just a second too long at Simon before Aline interrupts them.

“Hey.” She says. “What can I do for you?”

“So,” Simon begins, sticking his hands in his pocket. “When we first interviewed you, I _thought_ you looked familiar.”

“Any resemblance to any criminal I have really is just coincidence.” Aline says. “People tell me I remind them of someone all the time.”

“No,” Simon laughs, “you make replicas. I follow you on Instagram, your Avengers line was really amazing.”

“ _Oh_.” Aline’s face falls. “Oh no.”

“Yeah.” Jace continues. “According to this account, you just proposed to your girlfriend a week ago with one of the replica Avengers figurines. Three guesses as to which Avenger it was.”

“Starts with a H, end with a -ulk.” Simon adds helpfully, and Aline glances around, sighing.

“Yeah, I know what it looks like, but I wasn’t going to steal it!” Aline hisses. “I - “

“You took the figurine to replicate it better. You were going to put it back, but then the robber struck. Using keys _you_ dropped.” Simon interrupts. At Aline’s shocked face, he says “We had the paint scrape on the wall analyzed and matched to some cheap crafting paint from the store nearby. Instant match. I really don’t think a figurine that cost that much would use five dollar green paint from Brooklyn.”

“Yeah.” Aline sighs again, pushing her hair out of her face. “It’s ridiculous. I came back through the window to put the real Hulk figurine back, and I saw the break-in. I panicked. I didn’t want to put it back in the case, because then it’d look weird if it was the only thing in there. So I just...kept it, and then scaled back up the wall and went out through the window. I was so nervous I still had the replica I made in my hand, and I scraped it on the wall as I went up. Are you gonna…”

“Report you?” Jace asks, and then he shakes his head. “No. It was an honest mistake. You can turn the figurine in as evidence. Since you _are_ the employee in charge of inventory, I’m sure your boss will understand if you have it when we return all the evidence.”

“Oh _thank you_ .” Aline says in a rush. “Helen loved the proposal, but I’m pretty sure it would have been ruined if I was arrested a week later.”  
“Congratulations, then.” Simon says, smiling. “On your pending nuptials _and_ you not getting arrested.” Aline beams at them, and then moves off. “Another case closed!” Simon says, turning to Jace. “Why are you staring at her?”

“I think I know her girlfriend - fiance, I guess.” Jace says, puzzled. “I know a Helen, a family friend, and last time I saw her she said she was dating an Aline. How many Aline’s are there in New York, do you think?”

“As many as there are Jace’s.” Simon says, laughing.

“Hey, I was part of the hipster name trend _before_ there was a hipster name trend.” Jace says loftily, pushing the door of the store open and leading them outside. “I’m just that cool.”

.

LIGHTWOOD BROWNSTONE, 9:20 PM, WEDNESDAY

“Simon?” Jace asks, walking out to the patio when Izzy’s celebratory “I caught the Egg” party is winding down. “You’re still here?”

Simon yawns, sinking down further into the patio swing. “I figured I’d just sleep over again.” He says. “I’m too tired to drive back, and Clary will just need me to pick her up tomorrow morning anyway. She and Izzy are making out in the room you guys keep your piano, by the way. Maybe don’t go in there.”

“Not my _piano_.” Jace pinches the bridge of his nose. “Stay there, though, I have something for you.”

“For _me_ ?” Simon asks, bemused, but Jace is gone; Simon settles back against a cushion and yawns, sleepily listening to the steady hum of crickets in the still night. It’s peaceful, muted in the way night in New York seems to be sometimes, quiet but never _really_ quiet, the echo of traffic a constant presence in the background.

Jace reappears after a few minutes, holding a box. He sinks down onto the swing next to Simon, and hands over the box. “So,” he begins, fidgeting slightly as Simon takes the box out and starts unwrapping the package inside. “It turns out, I _did_ know that Helen we heard about earlier today. I went and visited her after work, and met Aline again, and bought this from her for you.”

A beautifully rendered Captain America tumbles out into Simon’s lap, and Simon gasps softly. The color is vivid, and bright, and the expression on Steve Roger’s face is perfect; noble and kind, but still fierce.

“Jace…” Simon trails off. “Aline’s replicas are expensive. _Thank you_.”

“It was nothing.” Jace says, looking at him with warm eyes. “I know you always call me Captain America, but I’ve always thought you were more like him. Brave, and selfless, and way too good for this world. I just...wanted you to know how other people see you.”

“People see me like Steve Rogers?” Simon asks, affection rising in his chest and threatening to overwhelm him. Jace is beautiful in the dim light of the patio, his hair loose and unstyled, his eyes honest and unguarded.

“I do.” Jace says quietly.

Simon drops the figure back into his lap and kisses Jace, cradling his cheek with one hand and sliding a hand around his waist with the other. Jace makes a noise and then presses closer, kissing back almost desperately as he locks his arms around Simon’s neck. Jace’s mouth is warm against Simon’s, his fingertips like brands where they skim along the nape of his head. He feels like he’s drowning and flying all at once, Jace real and solid under him.

“Your mystery guy,” Jace says breathlessly, pulling back, “it’s - ?”

“You, obviously.” Simon says, shaking his head. “C’mon, detective, wasn’t that obvious?”

“Not to me.” Jace says defensively, and then he presses another bruising kiss to Simon’s lips before he draws back. “I was so angry, thinking I’d missed my chance with you.”

“So was I.” Simon admits, and then he kisses Jace again, and again, and again, because now he can.

.

99TH PRECINCT, 8:00 AM, THURSDAY

“For the first time in precinct history,” Luke announces, “there are no more betting pools for who’s getting together with who. Everyone is paired up. All money should be paid out by the end of the week. Thank you.”

There’s cheers and whistles all around, and Jace says, in shock, “Even _you_ , Luke? Did you and Alaric…?”

Luke grins wolfishly. “We did.” he confirms, winking. Simon and Clary both groan, loudly.

“Another day in the weirdest precinct in New York.” Clary says, raising her coffee cup in a toast.

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [ tumblr ](http://eversall.tumblr.com/)!!


End file.
